’Maid’ In India

This is definitely more important than ‘Made In India’.

At the onset, excuse me for the M-word. To be honest, may be ‘Lifeline’ would be a more appropriate title for them. I would rather call them Domestic Help (DH, for future reference). And you bet, it is the DH that we are all eternally grateful for. So what do we look for, in an ideal DH?

Well, the demands have certainly gone up. Earlier it used to be less pay, less holidays and coming on time, more or less. But with the spending power of a working couple growing left, right and centre, their demands have also gone up exponentially, as well.

To begin with, the DH should be hygienic and presentable. The first bell of the day and a shabby, doing-a-favour-on-you look vs a smart and eager person, keen-on-helping-you with your misery of dirty dishes and messy floors, dressed in a crisp attire... no prizes for guessing whom we all would prefer.

The almost immediate pre-requisite would be to know the local language while having a working knowledge of English wouldn’t hurt his/her prospects. Well, after all, there are small babies in the house who need to be experts in everything by the time they are out of their diapers!

What more can we ask for if someone knows your kitchen cupboards, inside and out. Someone who knows which fruits need to be bought and which vegetables to be cooked and which fancy packet has reached its expiry date. Someone who knows how to cook North Indian and South Indian and Chinese and Mughlai and baby food and calorie deficit health food and protein rich after-gym food and mood-upswinging food and the perfect tea and coffee. Not much to ask for, now, is it???

Well, now comes another important aspect of her job description.... Cleaning. Of course, she is required to know all the current trends in cleaning. Which cleaning agent works best for which stain. The whole Chemistry behind it! After all, any unsightly mess will reflect on her incompetence. And the humongous job of folding the laundry and keeping it away!!! Don’t we all have THAT chair where the laundry keeps piling up? Imagine having that chair finally free to sit on!

The utensils... all look-at-your-face-in-them mirror-clean... what an accomplishment! The sparkly furniture crying for appreciation! What a luxury would that be!

Since we are all aiming towards a greener planet, she needs to be thorough in her knowledge of waste segregation and composting. After all, she only collects the major part of the trash in the house! She needs to be answerable for that!

Understanding technology will up her pay-grade. Apart from the basic WhatsApp-ing, she should be able to surf the Internet for quick referencing on day-to-day household management issues. She should be able to FaceTime comfortably. Well, we do need hourly updates with proof of what’s happening in our home with our children around. Dealing with visitors such as the courier guys, etc should be in her list of qualifications. Keeping a tab on all the doctor appointments and playdates would be a bonus.

Imagine somebody who is around throughout the year - be it the Diwali break or the Christmas holidays or the oh-so-demanding Summer vacations! The occasional feet massage at the end of a particularly long day. The one who knows where the damn remote control vanishes every time you need it. The one who had kept the car keys at their rightful place. The one who opens the door for you, all beaming, with a glass of detox water in her hands.

Hmmmm!! Bang and thud!! Oops!! I fell down while dozing off!! It was a nice dream!! Time to get back to reality... no such imaginary character is going to ring our bell. Even if somebody does turn up, we need to exercise our vocal chords to the max to get them into action.

Chalo, khud hi kaam pe lag jaao!