From my daughter’s eyes #MoreToMe

It was a normal day for us. Children were back from school, getting into their mode of playtime. My daughter came up to me saying that she has a little homework where she needs my help. She had to interview somebody for her English project. She declared that she had chosen me as I was easily available. I readily went with the flow. 

She was ready with her notepad and pencil. A bit shy, but excited too. Here’s how it went:-

She: So, Mrs. Mamma, how old are you?

Me: Urghhh! I am not doing this. 

She(almost rolling her eyes): OK, we can skip that part.

Me: Fine, I am 36. Don’t publish this!

She(chuckling): Everybody knows that Mums and Dads are old people. Anyway, what are your hobbies?

Me: I enjoy listening to music and reading. 

She: Ohkay! But I haven’t seen you read EVER!

Me: That’s because you guys took away all my books.

She: Haha! Thank you for introducing Harry Potter in our lives, though! But I haven’t seen you enjoying music, either.

Me: Heyyy! My songs were replaced with nursery rhymes. 

She(eyeing me viciously): Hmmm! What are your qualifications?

Me: Well, I am a double graduate and a post-graduate. I have dabbled with Animation. I have a diploma in Software Engineering and Technical Writing. I have cleared my first Semester of MBA with distinctions but took a long long break after that. You know, to name a few.

She(with a lump in her throat): What happened to you, then?

Me: What do you mean?

She(with glistening eyes): You know... why aren’t you doing a job?

Me: Well, I couldn’t leave you with helpers or at a day care centre. That’s just how I am wired. I didn’t want to miss your first steps or your first words. What if you fell sick? What if you got hurt? What if you needed to share something with someone? What if you needed a hug? That’s just me.

She: How come Papa gets to work?

Me: Well, someone’s got to pay for all your toys and stuff.

She: My friend’s mum comes home late in the evening from her office. You are much better than her. You are here for us when we come back from school.

Me: Oh, dear! Choosing career over children is not a wrong decision. It is HER decision. That doesn’t make anybody a bad parent. All parents want the best for their kids.

She(definitely sobbing now): I love you so much. I really do. 

She is a bit more emotionally matured for her age and quite emphatic. We had a cuddly moment and I made sure that she ends it on a positive note. She was worried if she will have to leave her career when she becomes a mom. I told her that I will help her and her brother out, here and there. No toilet training, though, and I would definitely be spoiling the tiny monsters. But, it left me in deep thoughts. May be, just may be, it is time for me to come out of my cocoon. I prepared my speech for my husband. He didn’t need it, I knew. 

We had always been supportive of each other. Ours was a partnership. His work requires him to travel... quite a bit. I had stepped up to be the handy parent. I picked up a few professional skills after our marriage as he had an open mind. I had tried working from home. I tried a corporate job. It just didn’t work out while staying in a nuclear family and husband away for most of the days. We had relocated several times. There was almost always a ‘settle down’ phase in our lives. I enjoyed volunteering at my children’s schools and other places, in India and abroad. But I didn’t have the mental strength to go for any more formal training.

After the interview episode, it took me a little over one year to figure out something for me. I had a lot of friends and well-wishers who would enjoy reading my posts and coax me to write something. I was trying to postpone it, for the fear of rejection. It does become difficult, while staying at home for such a long time, to suddenly come out of your comfort zone and try and take on the world. I am blessed with some amazing people in my life who have appreciated my dedication towards my children and yet constantly pushed me towards realising my true potential. My husband literally sat down with me and posted my first blog for me. I keep bugging my friends and my siblings before posting my blogs to get a general feedback. Hopefully, with time, I will become more confident. My parents have always been my backbone. They are just happy in whatever I achieve, big or small. I hope to make them proud. My husband is standing there always. Rock solid. My children have started marketing my blogs now. Last I heard, they were planning to put up street hoardings, so that their friends get to know about me. 

Yes, there is definitely #MoreToMe. Much more. We just need to tap into our hearts for that desire and that motivation. Like all other women, I have played my part of being a daughter, a sister, a friend, a wife, a daughter-in-law and a mother with equal panache. I guess, through my daughter’s school project, I came into a state of self awareness. She was very proud while submitting her article to her teacher. The little child made me notice that... Mamma, we are grown ups now. May be it is time to get your life back on track.

#womenpower #MoreToMe