Jab We Met...! (Love is in the air!)

Kids(enquiringly): Mamma, was Papa your friend in school?

Me: No.

Kids: College friend?

Me: No.

Kids(a little apprehensive, now): Did you guys meet at work?

Me: No.

Kids(close to shock, now): Were you even from the same city?

Me: Noooo, dearies.

Kids(completely scandalised, now): How the hell did you end up getting married to a stranger, Mamma?

Well, here it goes...

Unlike the classic fairy tale where the Prince Charming comes riding on a horse, or a more modern day DDLJ high of Raj on a motorcycle, my idea of marriage was quite grounded. Barely manage finishing your graduation and even before the results are out, your bio-data is out and the groom-hunt is already on. But thankfully, our parents gave us siblings the gift of education and an enriched awareness in our childhood. I gloriously finished my post graduation, which was looked down upon by some of the community members as being over-qualified for marriage. Following my dad’s footsteps, I took up teaching as my profession, first in a school and then at a college.

But, the bitter truth had sunk in, by now. There was ‘no reason’ to stay unmarried, any longer. I was dreading the whole arranged marriage drama of ‘showing’ the prospective bride to the grand family of the eligible bachelor. To tell you the truth, it is a very humiliating experience for a girl. It is like going to a showroom and checking out goods to buy. On top of being an emotional scene, it is quite a bit of a financial show-off, too. In those two hours, the girl and her parents have to impress each and every member of the visiting squad. I was hoping against all the patriarchal drama.

So, when my parents had shortlisted a boy’s biodata for me, I was expected to take a week off from my job and travel to his hometown because; here’s the bugger - he had come to his hometown taking exactly seven days off from his work and had to meet the five girls whom his family had shortlisted for him. This was the last straw for me. But, family pressure was in full swing and I found myself boarding the train with my parents with a big frown on my face. 

The D-Day arrived. I was the last girl that the boy and his family would be meeting. I was draped in a sari. His entire family had come down to visit us. The ‘interview’ started with my future brother-in-law asking me my name. Duh! Didn’t you read my biodata? This was going on inside my head. In reality, I plastered a lovely smile on my face and answered politely because my clan was also present. And whether or not this alliance was going to be fruitful, I would have to face the music of my folks later on. 

Then, started the steady round of questions. I realised that most of the questions asked were in English, surprisingly, to make me comfortable. I am not very proud of it, but I am not very fluent in Marwari, with Hinglish being the mother tongue in my household. I found myself laughing and chatting with them. It was very casual. It was slowly turning out to be quite fun. I used to have quite a skeletal body frame, then. They asked me if I am able to control a classroom full of children. I told them, ‘Wearing saree helps.’ They all burst out laughing. They asked me my views on moving to another city after marriage and how I would feel about changing my job. (Mind you, they didn’t say ‘leaving my job.’) I told them that luckily I had the advantage of being in the IT industry. And thanks to the internet, the world has become a global village. They all seemed quite reassured by my answer. I was not sure if they were asking the right questions. The right questions being:

1. Can you take care of the house?
2. Can you cook/sew/knit/draw/paint/sing/dance, etc?
3. What is the recipe of this dish and that dish?
4. Can you draw mehendi and rangoli?
5. What are your hobbies?
6. Would you be OK to leave your job after marriage?
7. Etc etc

Then, I was put in the spotlight by giving me a chance to ask something to the guy. I wasn’t prepared for this. This doesn’t happen in a Marwari family. Is it a trick question? Should I play dumb? Dumb would look very silly, I decided. So, I put on my game face and blurted out, ‘Do you believe in God?’ I wanted to crawl in some dark, lonely burrow after hearing my own question, out loud. Thankfully, the boy politely replied, “I don’t believe in God, but I trust him.” Oh, what an unconventional answer! I was head over heels just because of his presence of mind. Not a simple straightforward answer, yet not disappointing. Looking back now, I think it was quite a show-off of an answer but back then, we all were thoroughly impressed. 

The next day, a second meeting was called upon. This time it was just the two of us. It was a casual meet at a restaurant, and I was wearing a salwar suit, much to my relief. We got along quite well. We chatted about random stuff ranging from movies to politics to sports to careers to music to weather. Sometimes, it is surprising how two strangers can be on the same page for so many things. We both realised that we were meant for each other. It just clicked for us. We both couldn’t wait to say ‘yes’ to our families, who were waiting for us impatiently at the other end of the lobby. Even now our friends doubt that ours was an ‘arranged’ marriage. Talk about soulmates!

Later that evening, we got a call from his family requesting to meet us at ‘Satsang Bhawan’ for the ‘match-fixing’ ceremony. This was quite refreshing. The family appeared quite progressive. Being from the girl’s side, we naturally agreed, inspite of this being quite an out of the way request. When we reached the meeting point, they apologised for the whole seven days-five girls agenda. All that appeared quite negligible and practical at the same time. We both were head over heels for each other. Nothing really mattered anymore. We both were like... ‘This is it!’

Fifteen years down the line, I still truly believe that ‘Weddings are celebrated on Earth, but Marriages are made in Heaven.’ Marriage is a gamble, though. They say that if arranged marriage is murder, then love marriage is suicide. Jokes apart, in either case, we have work to do. Both have their pros and cons. Reality sets in, sooner or later. We can’t take the other person for granted. It is a give and take relationship. It requires falling in love, many times, with the same person. It is about mutual respect, appreciation for each other and above all endurance! No two people in a marriage are perfect. We have to look beyond the imperfections to make it work. 

Well, anyway, this is how we got hitched, though the kids and I still tease dear daddy for his answer that he smashed out in the ‘interview’. We have had our share of ups and downs. Having said that, we trust and believe that we have a rock in each other. A glittery one for me, at times. And yet, every morning, I look lovingly at my dear hubby and think....with a sigh... ‘Damn! How lucky is this guy!’